


What it Means to be a Hero

by Missmaddiej



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Brian Banner's A+ Parenting, Bruce Banner-centric, Domestic Violence, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loki (Marvel) is a Good Bro, M/M, Memoirs, POV Bruce Banner, POV First Person, Past Child Abuse, Science Bros, Self-Reflection, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22096339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missmaddiej/pseuds/Missmaddiej
Summary: World renowned scientist, Avenger, and activist Bruce Banner, talks about his childhood, adolescence, adult life and time as an Avenger to ultimately ask the question of What it Means to be a hero, in his memoir of the same name.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Loki, Bruce Banner & Original Male Character(s), Bruce Banner & Rebecca Banner, Bruce Banner & Susan Banner, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Betty Ross, Bruce Banner/Thor
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	1. Prolouge

For the past seven years of my life, I have worked with, lived with, and have been, for lack of a better word, a superhero. I fought the Chitari, helped save Sokovia, freed Saakarians, and help save Asgard. I lost against Thanos and then helped when against him as well. I've been in plenty of missions in between those, but for all the good I've done, I've done just as much, if not more, bad. I broke Harlem; I attacked innocent people in Johannesburg; I slaughtered people on Saakar for two years. So, am I as much of a hero as everyone says that I am? 

  
On top of that, a lot of these feats, good or bad, are Hulk's, not Banner's. So is Hulk, a hero, and Banner isn't? Is Hulk a villain, and Banner the hero for trying to hold him back? That's not to say that I don't have accomplishments as Banner. I've made advancements in Nuclear physics; I've advocated for important social issues. I've used my platform for good. And of course, this all has the very dangerous implication that you must have powers to be a hero, which isn't true at all. I guess what I'm asking is, what does it mean to be a hero? And am I one? Is Hulk one? Are any of the people who we call superheroes really heroes?

  
The textbook definition of a hero is "a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities." By this definition, anyone can be a hero, and while there's nothing wrong that, it's not exactly what I'm looking for. So, while doing some research, I found an article listing six characteristics of a true hero. The characteristics were: Serving others, extraordinary, takes risks, and faces potential losses, self-sacrificial, courageous, and humble. I can think of several people in my life who have most, if not all, of these characteristics. The heroes in my life.


	2. Rebecca Banner

The first hero in my life I want to talk about is my mom. I know, I know, it sounds cliché to say that my mom is my hero, but she really is. She endured so much and still stayed strong. She did so much for me as a kid. She protected me. She died for me. My mom was more of a stereotypical hero for me. She protected me from Brian. She died trying to get me out of that environment. But despite everything that was going on, she made my childhood somewhat enjoyable. At least, so much better than it would've been. She always took me to get whatever I wanted for dinner and dessert for my birthday, and just overall tried to improve my life.   
As for the 6 characteristics, she fulfilled all of those as well. For serving others, she spent her life serving and taking care of me. Some people would say, she's your mom, of course, she did, she's supposed to, but Brian was my father, doesn't he have some obligation to take care of me too? Clearly, he didn't care. As for extraordinary, my mother endured so much for so long. She never became jaded or cold, she always kept her warmth; she was always there for me and loved me. And I'm not sure many people could do the same. 

  
My mother absolutely took risks and faced potential losses. Having me was a risk she took, knowing Brian didn't want children. Keeping me was a risk she took when she how Brian was acting. Taking care of and protecting me was a risk she took when Brian started hurting her as well. She put herself at risk every day, and she lost her life because of it. She was absolutely self-sacrificial. She died protecting me. She died trying to get me out of that environment, out of that household. A household that could've been fatal for me as well. Because for the first time, she tried to stand up to him; she tried to leave. And he killed her. She was courageous in everything she did. She protected me at her own risk. She stood up to Brian to try to get me out of there. And she was humble throughout it all. If she had lived to be asked about what she had done, she wouldn't have said it was anything special, it was just what she was supposed to do, that she was just my mom. 

So yeah, I'd say my mom's a hero. She spent the first decade of my life, the end of hers, protecting me. Fighting for me. Being my hero. And I can never thank her enough for that. So, thank you, mom, for the hero of my childhood. 


	3. Susan Drake

My life started to take a turn for the better as I reached adolescence. It's here where I spent the most time with my second hero, my aunt, Susan Drake. The Summer before my freshman year of high school was when I finally left the hellhole that was my childhood home. Brian had gotten a little too drunk one night, and while at the bar started bragging about murdering my mother and getting away with it. Obviously, some people saw this as an issue and called the police on him. He ended up being sent to a mental institution, and I went to go live with my aunt.

  
I already knew Aunt Sue, as I stayed at her house during the Summer. She was also the mother of my amazing cousin Jennifer when we spent the summers together, we'd spend all day in the library. This led to my love of the books Frankenstein and Jekyll and Hyde, ironic considering what happened to me, what happened to us. Aunt Sue didn't have to take me in. She was already tight on money and didn't need another financial burden in the house, but she chose to, and for that, I will forever be grateful. 

  
When it comes to the six characteristics of a hero, she fits most of them. She was always serving Jen and me, but that's was more than that. She would serve her community, as well. Always donating what she could, helping those in need. She was involved in our schools, made sure we did our fundraisers. She was already struggling a bit when she took me in, so adding another child to the equation was a risk. But at the end of the day, she'd do anything for the two of us, when money was short, she always made sure that we ate first, always put our needs before her own, and for most people, yeah that's an average parent, but that was a big deal to me. People would make comments about us, small things, I never knew specifics, just one second, Aunt Sue was fine, then someone made a snide remark about something, and all hell broke loose. She was courageous and defended us to no end. But even then, she never pulled a I'm such a good person because I took my nephew in like I expected her to. She made it clear that I was there because I was loved and deserved a family, not because of some brownie points she wanted, and I respect her so much for that. The only characteristic she doesn't fit is extraordinary, and that's fine. I don't think heroes have to be extraordinary. 


	4. Dr. Wilson

From the moment I met Dr. Wilson, I thought he was awesome. It was my freshman year of high school; I was at a new school, in a new city, but was much happier than most kids would in that situation considering what I had just come from. I walked into his room, and it was covered in posters with random facts and famous scientists and quotes and all sorts of stuff that intrigued me. He tried to engage with and get to know each of us and was the first teacher I connected with. I had taken an interest in science from a young age, but I never explored that interest, Brian never wanted me to. When I started high school, I was thankfully away from him, and in a very science-heavy school. Dr. Wilson helped me cultivate that love for science, especially being a science teacher himself. I had him for Chemistry and Advanced Placement (AP) Chemistry, my junior and senior years, respectively.I don't know how much he knew, but he knew I hadn't had the best childhood. He knew my Aunt and I were struggling but didn't make a big deal out of it. He tried his best to cheer me up when I was at my lowest points, and even if it didn't help, I appreciated the effort. 

He was absolutely serving, I mean, you have to be serving to be a teacher at any level, I would know. But he went above and beyond, and that was what set him apart as a teacher. This man could've been making so much more money, doing actual scientific work, but instead, he took a risk and be a teacher. Being a teacher is a job that takes courage and passion. The pay is shit, and the students don't always respect you, hell sometimes they can go from just disrespectful to outright violent. And especially being in the lab, with those chemicals around them, doing that job took a lot of courage. Above all else being a teacher takes humility; with a job like that, there's no room for arrogance. As for being self-sacrificial, well, if he's still a teacher today, I'd hope so. 

I met up with him a few years back. After New York, but before I went off-planet. I talked to him in his room, curious to see how he and the classroom had changed. And imagine my surprise when I saw myself on that wall that I gazed up to so often as a child. The wall of people who inspired me, who I aspired to be like. I sat upon it as well, along with them as an equal. The conversation was an emotional one. I was already sensitive from seeing the wall, and as we talked, he mentioned how what I had achieved, how I had succeeded so much in life, despite all the struggle I went through. How my life was proof that he had succeeded as a teacher. So, thank you, Dr. Wilson, for everything you've done for me.


	5. Betty Ross

Elizabeth "Betty" Ross. My Betty. My first love. We met in college, Culver University, the school we would go on to teach at together. Her father paid for her tuition while I was a part of a military program he was running, though I didn't know that they were related at first. She was a BioChem major while I was dual majoring in Physics and Chemistry, with a minor in biology, so the two of us shared a lot of classes. It started off with "oh hey, we have classes together" to "Let's study together," and then we were dating. Betty was... amazing. She was brilliant and fierce and didn't take shit from anyone. My college years, and everything that happened until Hulk was probably the first time I was happy, and a lot of that was because of her. After I got my degrees, I started working for the military, as per our agreement, so they would pay for my schooling. This is when I found out that Ross was Betty's father, and that was an interesting conversation. Once I got my Ph.D., I also got a job at the University teaching Chemistry, while Betty taught BioChem, our first degrees. 

  
Ross ended up taking notice of my skill at Nuclear physics. I wanted to use it for renewable energy; he wanted to weaponize it; I didn't have much of a choice. I ended up making a Gamma Bomb, and, well, we all know how that story ends. Ross decided he wanted to weaponize Hulk, so it forced me to go on the run, For my safety and the safety of the world. In 2011, I reunited with Betty for a bit; I broke Harlem, and then we didn't see each other again until after New York. We tried to start up a relationship again but decided that too much had changed, and we were better off as friends. I guess it was for the best, because not long after I had eyes for a certain god, but that's a story for another chapter. 

  
I have never seen a teacher go so far, do so much for their students, the way I did with Betty. Along with that, she always stood up for what she believed in, even when, and especially when she clashed with her father. Standing up to her father was a risk, but she knew what he was doing wasn't right. She was also one of the first people to treat Hulk like a person, not knowing how he would react. That takes courage, but she stood up to her father, that might have been harder, and that's why Betty's one of the most courageous people I know. There is no woman, no person, in the entire world like Betty Ross. And that might be the part of me that was in love with her for over a decade talking, but Betty Ross is extraordinary, there's no one in the world like her. She was brilliant, but she was never like our past professors, she was never, "I'm smarter than all of you because I have my doctorate, and you don't." She was very open to learning with her students, and she was very humble about the knowledge she held. Right before I broke Harlem. She tried to protect me, protect him. And she was willing to die to protect us. Betty Ross has always been ready to die for what she believes in.


	6. Tony Stark

So, we’re at the point where actual superheroes have entered the story. May 2012. I’m in Kolkata, helping out as a doctor there. I get brought to a hut for this girl’s sick relative; instead, I was greeted by Natasha Romanov. We had a conversation; I scared her a bit, and I ended up on my way to what I later found out was a Heli carrier. Loki gets captured, and here comes Tony Stark. He walks in like he owns the place, explaining why they need iridium, and critiques Nick Fury. We had a back and forth about how Tesseract works, and he ended up complimenting me on my work in anti-electron collisions... and how I turn into giant green rage monsters. Tony Stark, the man who would go on to be my best friend, well, one of them anyway. From the start, Tony never feared me, even poking me while we were on the Heli carrier, which pissed off Cap. They set off a bomb, and I ended up Hulking out. I didn’t see Stark again until the battle.

  
After that, I went to live with him in the tower. It was amazing. For the first time since I became Hulk, I felt safe. It was always great when the rest of the team would be around, but I also loved having my own space. And the lab... all of that fantastic tech at my disposal. Plus, Tony was just a great guy to be around. He genuinely wanted to get to know me, and that was something that hadn’t happened in a long time. Tony is one of my best friends, he was even the best man at my wedding, though not my first choice. 

Tony was serving the world, being the leading name in clean energy, even implementing my ideas for nuclear energy, that the government ignored in favor of having me build weapons. He takes risks all the time, sometimes it’s worrying, actually. Same with how willing he is to sacrifice himself. When I was on the team, Tony was always the one making the sacrifice play, which also meant that someone always had to rush in to save him. Tony Stark is extraordinary, anyone can tell. He’s brilliant, and probably the only valid billionaire ever. The only characteristic that he doesn’t fit is humble, seriously, I’ve never met someone so full of himself. 


	7. Thor

Alright, the chapter everyone has been waiting for. One of the people who was a hero to me in the more stereotypical sense. The love of my life, my amazing husband, the god of thunder, Thor. Our first direct conversation was on the Heli-carrier all those years ago, I said you could smell the crazy on Loki, and he snapped back to be nice because that was his brother. After New York, once I moved into the tower, whenever Thor was on Earth, he would spend a lot of time enamored with whatever we were doing in the lab, and now that I look back on it, with me as well. He also would always sit by me during movie nights, but I thought nothing of it. 

  
Then Sokovia happened, and I spent two years off-planet. His face was the first thing I saw when I woke up. We escaped Sakaar together and saved the people of Asgard. Once I dehulked, we had to share a room on the statesmen. I know, I know, it sounds cliché, but there was only one bed in the room. We spent a lot of time in our talking about anything and everything and learning so much about each other. Including eventually, a confession that Thor had had feelings for me for as long as he had known me. I was taken aback, but during our time together, I had developed feelings for him as well. We got married as soon as we arrived on Earth, Tony was my best man, and Loki was his. That was two years ago, and every day, since then, with him, it has been amazing. 

  
Thor is another stereotypical superhero in my life. He saved me all those years ago on Sakaar. If it weren't for him, Hulk would still be up there fighting in the contest of champions, and I would've never seen the light of day again. As for the 6 characteristics of a superhero, I dare you to find someone who exemplifies them more than Thor. He spends so much of his time dedicated to and serving his people. Not only that, but he has chosen to defend and serve the people of Earth. The Asgardians, that's his duty, but us, that was a choice. Of course, Thor is extraordinary, he's an alien. He takes risks and faces losses all the time, that's the life of a warrior. Another part of the life of a warrior, being willing to lay down your life for what's right if it came down to it, Thor would lay down his life for his family, his people, and the planet Earth. And all this shows the courage he has. But at the end of the day, he's humble. He sees the work I do as so interesting and in ways so much more important than what he does. Because he protects the world, but I can change it. 


	8. Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for implied suicide attempt

If you think hat your best friend is insane, mine will blow up anything. You think that your best friend has the craziest ex, my best friend's held me captive for 2 years. Loki Friggakind. My sibling in law, my best friend in the entire world. 

My time on the statesmen was insane. Thor, Val, Loki, and I were hanging out all the time. Along with Heimdall, Korg, and Miek, we all kind of ran the place and helped every out. During this time, I found out that Loki and I have a lot in common. We don't have the best relationships with our fathers. Okay, that's a lie, we have horrible relationships with our fathers. But we both love our moms who did their best to protect us. We bonded through our traumas and the impacts that they had on our lives. The way we were both looking over our shoulders, the lack of trust we had for those around us. We bonded over the things that set us apart from everyone else, and we loved each other because of them.

I know most people wouldn't call Loki a hero, but I disagree. Not only do they fit the 6 characteristics of a true hero, but there are some other things they've done, that's made them a hero in my life. The way they serve others may not be obvious, but it's very tied to their courage and self-sacrifice. When push comes to shove, Asgard will always come first. Despite everything the Asgardians have done to them, despite how they’ve been hurt, Asgard comes first. They are absolutely extraordinary. There will never be anyone that you meet that's anything like Loki. They're such a strong person. They've been through so much, so much pain and suffering. Yet they get up every morning. And they keep going, and they live their life, and it's amazing to watch and be a part of. They take risks all the time, it's part of being Loki, though, their magic and being Thor's sibling usually eliminates the risk factor. Despite how Asgard and its people have hurt them, they’re brave enough to fight for Asgard and willing to die for them. While they can be arrogant at times, they're humble when it comes to the love they deserve, and the impact they've made on my life. 

A big chunk of why my time on the statesman means so much of to me is because of Loki. They made what easily could’ve been one of the worst parts of my life into one of the best. Being surrounded by all those people, with the responsibilities that I had it wasn't helping my already fucked up mental state after two years of being Hulk. I was in a low place in my life; I felt like what I was doing wasn't enough, would never be enough, and I was just taking up space and oxygen, and resources on the ship. I was in an empty escape pod dock when they found me. I hadn't closed the side to the rest of the ship yet, and they found me right before I did. If Loki hadn't found me that night and saved me from myself, I'd probably still be out there, floating off in space. They are the hero that saved my life. And for that, I'll be eternally grateful. 


End file.
